You used to be my person. You used to be the first text I received when I woke and the last text I received before I slept. And sometimes you were the person I spoke to until the sun rose beyond the clouds again, our words and laughter and tears filling those quiet hours when the rest of the world was asleep.
You knew everything about me, even the things I tried to hide, you knew they were there; you took the time to discover them.
You used to tell me every little detail about your day so that when school ended and our worlds separated again, it felt as if I was right there beside you; you never let me miss a second. Nothing felt like effort back then; we called and we text and we arranged to see each other so the miles between us didn’t feel so long or so painful.
But something changed, I guess.
We grew up and our lives shifted. We found new partners. And suddenly, I didn’t know what you had for breakfast or if a cute stranger smiled at you on the bus. I was having to fill the silence; I was having to create your side of the conversation.
New homes were left without your presence in them, your side of the bed remained cold and I couldn’t manage an entire pizza by myself. There were too many ‘I can’t make it this time’. Too many arguments and days spent silently resenting the other. Too many days when we let our stubbornness get in the way of the fact that we just missed each other, we just wanted our old friendship back.
At least I did, at least I thought you did too. But the thing about friendships is that they only work if you both want them to. Dates only get planned if you both make some sacrifices to travel or not get that weekend with your partner, or save up money for it. Texts only happen if you both make the effort to provide the details, if you both take a few minutes just to let the other one in.
Friendships are not one sided.
And sometimes I want to scream at you, to shout, to cry, to say the hurtful things I feel because I miss us, I miss you. I miss those nights when a cup of tea and your voice was the only thing I needed to keep me steady. I miss that laughter which rumbled so loudly out of us both, the kind which made my stomach hurt, the kind that would still have me laughing on the walk home. I miss eating disgusting amounts of food with you knowing that if I wanted extra fries, you always did too.
I miss knowing that a night out with you meant always dancing stupidly . I miss those days we would cuddle up in bed watching Vampire Diaries on a loop and talking about how our friendship was just like Bonnie and Elena’s . I miss being your person.
But most of all, I miss feeling like you still care, that you still want to be in my life. I miss feeling like you are prepared to make the effort to see me. I miss feeling like a priority.
Because no matter how long we go without seeing each other, no matter how many times we argue , I can’t stop thinking that maybe one day we will be the old us again, the version I see glimpses of but fizzles out too quickly.
We never forget those we loved we just learn to live without them.
We all sometimes miss our exes but they were an ex for a reason.
Now we need someone who will know everything about our lives, make us happy, tell us the tiny details about their day and lives and be able to discover us.
Someone we hope we won’t end resenting or arguing with all the time.
Someone who will somehow end up thinking like us.
Someone who doesn’t hold anything in and says what’s in his or her mind.
Someone who wants the best for me and her happiness is my happiness.
Someone whom i won’t change a thing for. She will love me for who and what i am.
Someone who i can trust to have my back no matter what and doesn’t do anything to compromise my trust.
Someone who has boundaries and doesn’t break them for anyone.
Someone who has self respect for him or herself and won’t risk something beautiful that he has for something so
Someone whom am not worried about what they are doing each and everytime because i know where they are they are careful with their actions.
All we need is someone perfectly for us.
Find your someone and if things don’t work out okay move on and find another someone.
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