Tue. Apr 7th, 2020

Menez

The Menez Effect

Signs That You Are Just A Placeholder In The Relationship

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Signs that you are just a placeholder in the relationship

Definition of a placeholder – a placeholder is a guy or a girl that you are sort of dating, but you two aren’t really committed to each other, you are with him or her while searching for BAE.

The placeholder is basically someone that you are wasting time with while waiting for the right kind of person to date. A placeholder will keep you warm and occupied but once you meet ‘the one‘ you leave the placeholder and move on.

You’re dating, and were once really hopeful. But somehow the relationship’s not going anywhere anymore. What could be wrong?

Chances are you’re a placeholder. You’re doing all the right things in the relationship, but actually you’re just holding the place for someone else. Filling in. Consciously or unconsciously, your partner knows you’re not “the one,” and will end things whenever they find their true love.

How can you tell whether that’s happening to you?

You’re most likely to become a placeholder if you start dating someone shortly after they ended another relationship. They only began dating you to avoid being lonely.

Probably they’re not putting much energy into your relationship, and only date you when it really suits them. They try to avoid making plans, and somehow don’t care much if an arrangement doesn’t pan out.

Somehow placeholders only get called for sex, and to attend events like parties. So it’s bad news if you always go to your partner’s happenings but never seem to hang out on Sunday afternoons. Or they don’t ever seem to make time in their schedule for your events.

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If you’re both committed, as opposed to in some sort of FWB or hookup arrangement, then your relationship shouldn’t be a secret. So it’s a serious red flag if your partner resists introducing you to family and friends as their significant other.

Probably there are also no discussions about moving the relationship forward. Your partner likely doesn’t make any real effort to link their life to yours, and they’re probably completely self-absorbed. Like when you walk into the restaurant where you’re meeting and they just glance up at you and go on texting.

Or they rarely ask you about your day, never really listen to you, or remember what you told them. Lack of interest in your life and opinions is a serious warning that you’re a placeholder.

As your partner starts thinking about ending your relationship, you’ll notice that they become even ‘busier’ with work, family and friends.

They become less patient, more defensive and argumentative. And they start to ghost you. Gradually fading out emotionally and physically.

So even when they’re sitting next to you, it’s like they’re a million miles away. Their phone calls get less frequent, shorter and less meaningful. Suggestions of doing things together become more like maybes than anything to get excited about.

Your partner starts saying stuff like “Relationships shouldn’t be this much work,” or “Perhaps we’re just too different.” They start pulling back, answering your texts less frequently, and becoming less and less available.

Saturday night comes and goes with no contact, and when you do date, it’s always a group thing. Your partner’s started limiting the time you two spend together alone, and begun phasing you out.

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Summary of signs that you are a placeholder

  • When they’re out with you it’s always you that initiated it.
  • You like them more than they like you.
  • They only put in extra effort after you nag them about it.
  • They refuse to commit.
  • They’re SO busy.
  • You never feel included.
  • You have to force your partner to show you off on social media.
  • He sometimes makes comments that suggest you two won’t be together.

Are you happy being practice? Are you going to perfect the art of keeping people warm & preparing them for other people?

If you aren’t happy move the fuck on.


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