Are You Worth A Box Of Chocolate?

Valentine’s Day, you either hate it or love it. Not many dudes care about this particular day. If you’re a guy, it’s all good because the clubs and restaurants are open and a gang of lonely women are ready to lower expectations and dance (or fuck) the night away with you.

If You’re Single & Bitter

You complain about Valentine’s Day, hate on everyone in a relationship and post Basic ass status updates on WhatsApp like “I don’t know why girls get hype, I don’t need for it to be a holiday to get gifts and attention from my man.”

Please Don’t go out to the club alone, the clubs will be filled with thirsty men trying to chipo someone. You do realize going to the club on Valentine’s Day is like dropping a tampon in a shark tank. Don’t hate the dudes in the club, hate the fact that you let someone tell you it was a good idea to go in the first place. By walking in you’re telling them “Single and desperate.”

Hating on this day is the most basic thing you can do, it shows that you are jealous and lonely as hell. If you don’t have someone this year, then don’t look for one right now. Also, February 14th isn’t the day to start looking for love because all you’re going to find is an unapologetic dick inside you.

If You’re Single & Sexy

You don’t hate. You may not embrace the festivities, but you see it for the day it is and accept it. Maybe you’re a romantic, but you don’t have to throw shade on anyone else, you chill with a glass of wine and watch the Notebook or some other tear jerker where someone dies at the end.

You have game. You know niggas are trying to smash. That dude who keeps texting you asking to go out, now’s the time to get in those pockets and go down to that restaurant you’ve heard about. At the end of the night you give him a warm hug and a kiss on the cheeks and thank him for being your valentine. Holla next year son.

Single sexies know other single sexies so make it a girl’s night out, instead of the club, hit a lounge or a nice restaurant where the bar is popping and who knows you may meet someone on your level.

If You’re Boo’d Up

This is your day. If you’ve been with someone for a minute it’s not about getting shit out of him, it’s about recognizing what you have. If he loves you then he’ll give you something from the heart, what he or she gives to you doesn’t matter as long as it’s done with love.

Make Love or Fuck?

A lot of kids are born in November, so fellas make sure you wrap it up or perfect your Pull Out Game. Ladies, no matter if you’re the basic last minute booty call, the bitter single one, or the Sexy chick who wants to role play with her man that night, go hard in the bedroom.

Valentine’s Day is not the day to make gentle sweet love, it’s time to break out the handcuffs and whipped cream and think outside of the box. Hop on that thing and blow his mind, so every time he sees that tacky pink and red color, he thinks about the girl who could spin around from cowgirl to reverse cowgirl without taking the dick out, and roll from missionary to doggy like the shit’s an art form.

To my niggas, if you had no plans of taking a certain girl out, on that day please don’t make a mistake of doing it. It will mess you up. Wise up.

Whatever category you fall in, don’t stress, have fun.

Follow me on

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: