Sleepovers are common nowadays. A chick comes over to your house, you bang like actors in a porn video then in the morning she leaves. Simple arithmetic right? Not exactly. The phrase ‘nakam’ and ‘nimefika’ are the two most frequently used terms in campus especially from Friday – Sunday.
Sometimes sleepovers tend to be more complicated than the eyebrows of a Nairobi woman.
In fact, here are the most common types of sleepovers that guys in campus get to experience
1. Sleepover ya amekuja kukula si kukuliwa.
What happens here? You go ahead and buy meat, cook for her, she eats, you play a movie to loosen up the tension as you enjoy a cold drink; then you begin to picture the panties and bras flying all over the house as you sit next to her. You even confirm you have your condoms on standby waiting for action. But as you go for the cuddles or kiss, she asks unapeleka hiyo mkono wapi? or “what do you think you are doing?”
The reason why this happens is simple. You failed to seduce and convince her properly before she came over. You assumed you would just convince her to bend over and serve her punani to you when she set foot in your house. Just because she agreed to come to your house doesn’t mean she agreed to fuck. The best way to avoid this is to agree that she’s coming for some dick appointment.
Instead, what happens is that the two of you end up lying beside each other the whole night doing nothing, one of you will be frustrated the whole night. You end up asking yourself “morning itafika saa ngapi huyu dem aishie.”
You try everything you can to convince her but her answer is still NO. Maybe you even pull the “nitaingiza kichwa tu” line but still nothing. Some chicks will even remove all their clothes and sleep naked yet there’s nothing you can do.
When you keep on insisting on having sex she hits you with a “Kwani unanichukulia aje? I am not the type of girl that has sex on the first night.”
This is the sleepover where the girl can stand up and leave after eating. She will give you with a dump excuse. Kwanza if her house is near your place.
2. The perfect sleepover.
This is the dream sleepover for all men. She comes over and within minutes, both your clothes are off and you are pumping in and out of her. There is no wasting time. You will think about supper after you are done fucking.
You can’t believe your luck. You feel like giving yourself a high five and a medal as you watch her moaning beneath you – loving every stroke.
It’s all magical how she cherishes every second and gasps for air all throughout the duration of the rhythmic coitus. The perfect sleepover works best when it’s with a girl you are used to. She knows she’s coming the D🍆💦.
3. The struggle sleepover.
Initially, she made it clear that you can’t bang her. “Si nlidhani we were just going to chill and watch hiyo black panther ?”. If only she knew how your black panther was waiting to be unleashed. But you have the spirit of a lion. Your resilience cannot be put into question. You are like Kenyan lecturers. You are willing to strike every semester until the very end for your demands to be met.
So you keep trying and trying until she gives up the pussy late in the night. The problem is by the time you are shagging her, you are even tired already due to the extensive negotiations you had to engage in before thighs were parted.
4. Ile ya kuangukia
You never knew it was going to happen. Maybe you went to a house party or a club and got lucky. You came back home with a fine mamii and banged her silly. Or maybe one of your female friends just decided to sleepover at your place and things just happened. It’s a sweet one this one.
Good thing about hii ya kuangukia ni in the morning you can all act like nothing happened. She will wake up earlier than you and tell you she has to go.
5. The one you end up regretting.
The regret can stem from many factors. Maybe you ate it raw yet she was a stranger. As a result, you are now more worried than a kid whose mother has said “niletee kiboko.” Or maybe you were cheating and got caught. Better yet, you realized she wasn’t all that pretty so you are wondering what the hell you were thinking when you took her to your house.
Men suffer from something called PES(Post Ejaculation Syndrome). After we cum we lose 40% of the attraction that we earlier had on you. Let’s say i was attracted to you because of your ass, after we fuck and you leave. I will be thinking to myself “ata hajui kuride dick”
6. Ile ananyesha
You plan the sleepover and she agrees to come, she didn’t even give any excuses she just promised she will show up. One thing that she didn’t inform you is that she’s on her periods.
So on the night of the sleepover when you two are fooling around she hits you with a ”beb, ninanyesha”
At that point you start asking yourself why did she come if she is on her periods. Some guys don’t mind crossing the red sea (fucking when she’s on her periods).
If you are one of those guys who don’t mind period sex, you will try to convince her to fuck. “tutafuck kwa shower ndio tusimess up the sheets.” If she refuses to fuck then you start to ask for a bj. The struggle for pussy is real.
But all the setbacks will never stop a Kenyan man. We will still keep hosting women for sleepovers, no matter how brilliant or terrible they turn out.