95% of the people that I know on a personal basis have cheated or been cheated on.
Don’t take my word for it, how many people in your life have cheated or been cheated on or are cheating on? Add it up. Maybe it has happened to you. But no one wants to talk about it beyond “ if they cheat, leave”
Let’s keep it 100, people rarely leave after the first time someone cheats. No one knows how they will react until they are forced to deal with it personally. You think it won’t happen to you, you think you’re too special, too fine, or too woke, but you’re not. Life will humble that ass and you will need better guidance than hollow relationship quotes.
I want to discuss, in depth, suggestions on what to do next, because it’s hard to find unbiased advice when you’re hurt and people are telling you the same generic solutions about how you deserve better when all you want is to understand why it happened in the first place so you can prevent it from happening again.
Here’s the ugly truth :
If you don’t cheat and haven’t been cheated on—it’s most likely going to happen. If you feel that’s negative and wishing ill will onto you, then stop reading right now and come back after it happens… go! But if you recognize that the odds aren’t in your favor to make it out of this game of life without experiencing betrayal and want to at least be prepared, then keep reading.
“I went through his phone. I found out he’s been talking to other women. What do I do with this evidence? If I confront him, he’ll know I invaded his privacy.”
Most women sit on it and never say anything and let that shit stress them. That’s Weak Bitch 101! You have HARD proof in the form of “ I can’t wait to taste your pussy again,” “ Tell me how much you miss this dick ,” or a series of nudes from both parties, yet you’re the one feeling in the wrong?
Stop being so damn soft! What’s more wrong, unlocking his phone or him going raw in a hoe then coming to go raw in you? Now is not the time to feel guilty! Yeah you invaded their privacy, because like the police, you had probable cause. Oh, and guess what you found—evidence for a conviction!
A person that’s cheating will turn the tables and call you foul for snooping around, but they were creeping around in pussy, you were creeping around passwords, which is worse? The only solution is to confront them, own up to what you did and not give a fuck because the ends justified the means.
Let’s say you didn’t find out from spying, you had someone bring you proof. A friend saw your BF/GF a little too cozy with a third party. The other person popped up in your inbox with all the details. The list can go on, the point being you had no clue and it blindsides you. What now?
Here’s what you do. The moment you find out, regardless of how it’s brought to you, have a face to face. I know most of you are text heavy because you can express things through typing better and with less fear than in person. Fuck that. You need to have a face to face. Damn near every breakup done on text after cheating or a screaming phone call where you say you’re cutting ties is temporary. Trust me.
You get all of that anger out, then a few days later you have questions. Those questions eat at you until you unblock that person or reach out to that person, and then you become just like every typical person that’s been cheated on—back where you started.
A person that cheats already knows what they’re going to say if they ever get caught, and if you give them time to perfect their story or apology, that shit will come off sounding believable as hell.
This is what you should do:
Set up the face to face meeting, preferably at their place so you can leave as opposed to deal with the drama of making them leave. Or meet at an open place. Preferably a café.
Your agenda is to come ask if they want to tell you something. Of course they don’t, liars lie until you literally pull out footage. Lay it in easy, tell them you know they cheated, but you’re not mad, just confused.
Their voice will raise, they’ll act wounded, and play the victim. Don’t take the bait. No ratchet ass handclaps, no screaming over them, no cursing, no crying, no throwing phones at him, none of that basic shit. You keep a cool, calm, tone—like Rick Ross. Present your evidence and once again remind them that you’re not upset (you are) you just want to know why it happened so you two can work it out.
They will fight against honesty because being honest is the hardest thing for someone in this position, but don’t let up. Remember, interrogations depend on slow pressure over time. Wait that shit out. They’ll try to change the subject, try to discredit the person who told you or the person they cheated with, every trick in the book to make it seem like they’re innocent. Don’t break. Repeat yourself until he/she gets annoyed, “ Just tell me, it’s really not that big of a deal, if you talk to me.”
They will eventually take your bait. Why? Because a guilty person knows that if you go find more evidence they just dug themselves a hole by lying repeatedly. Once they break and tell you the truth about what you already know, you will have gained clarity faster than you would normally.
You got your why. You got your excuse. You got your story. There will be things that don’t add up or make sense right away. For the guys don’t fall for her fake tears. When a woman cries, it’s hard not to react, but you can’t rush to make up or tell her you forgive her just because she’s pouring her heart out.
Ask any follow up questions you need to understand better, then say goodbye—no sleepover because it’s late at night, no kissing, walk away. This is the most important part. Hear their reason. Hear their apology. Don’t accept shit. Hit them with a To Be Continued, and go. This is non-negotiable.
The next part of this will be to weigh the fact. Don’t let someone who’s single and bitter tell you what to do or don’t do. Don’t let some fake internet love doctor that’s bored talking about, “if you don’t leave the first time, you get what you deserve ,” cloud your judgement.
Think it through and then make your choice based on the facts of your situation, not the boiling of your emotions. Now that you know their “why” it’s time to ask your own “ why…should I stay?” over the course of a week or two. If the person sticks to their lie it’s even better. The purpose is to get to the core of the cheating, and by holding onto a proven lie, that person proves they are and will always be a liar, which makes your job that much easier of sending them on their fucking way without fear of having made a mistake.
Decision Time: If You Decide To Leave
Notice how I told you to get the “why” out of the way early on? Because living with the “why” will fuck you up and cause you to relapse.
I don’t care if you write a letter and give it to them when you’re telling them it’s over, or have a long talk again where you finally break the news. Take. Your. Time! Don’t tell them to never call you again the moment it happens. Sit on it, come up with a list of things you need to know. Depose them. Make your choice. Say what you need to say. THEN end it. Simple.
Get all your things from their place or take all their things back to them that was left at your place and close the chapter. Don’t hold on clothes or anything his or hers and give them a reason to come back into your life when you’re calmed down and vulnerable.
Unfollow them from all social media and NEVER EVER stalk them or the person they cheated with. You don’t have to block their number, but you damn sure better have the will power not to text “ happy birthday ,” “ hope your mother’s doing well ,” “ Remember that time we ,” or any nostalgic crap that will pull you back into their sphere of influence. If you don’t have the will power to ignore, “ I miss us ,” then block them from the start.
Don’t Fuck Them—Ever:
She rode your dick like none other. He had an amazing stroke game that always made you cum. Emotionally you’re over them, but physically you still want to get that old nut off, and think you can handle going back If it’s only sex… are you that stupid? To heal and stay romantically aggressive, you must break up physically as well as emotionally.
Decision Time: If you Decide To Stay
Be Able to Name Their Trigger:
Why did they cheat? If you can’t answer that in your own words plainly and honestly then you don’t need to be with them. The reason should clear enough. ”she cheated because you two were fighting, she cheated because you weren’t there for her, school was stressing, and she just had a death in the family” then you understand that her trigger was that feeling of being alone with no one who cared about her.
You then put two and two together that the guy she cheated with was smart enough to exploit her at the right time and get her to do something she wouldn’t have done if she wasn’t spiraling out of control. If you don’t see any clear trigger and it feels as if she just was fucking to fuck, then that’s not a woman you need to be with because most likely her issues are more deep rooted.
For women, the same rules apply.
For example, if your guy went to a party and hooked up with a girl, and you found evidence that he was still trying to see her, what was his “why”? If the guy said that he and that stranger had a vibe, one thing lead to another, he wasn’t thinking, and after he got back he just kept it going because it was fun, what does that tell you about his character?
His trigger was female attention and he lacks self-discipline. An aggressive woman can pull most men she shoots her shot at if she knows how to sex bait. Culturally, men are not used to women pursuing us, and are rarely tested.
How do you stay faithful in a room full of hoes? Not love. You leave the damn room!
If your man is telling you he just couldn’t resist, you need more than that. You need to hear everything that lead up to the cheating so you can properly break down what triggered him then and what could trigger him later. If you can’t name their trigger, then you’re flying blind and asking to be burnt again.
If you give a second chance, only to live with the paranoia and saltiness that they may do it again, then what’s the point of being in a relationship? You’re a fool for staying if you’re only pretending to be over it.
If you show a person that you love them more than you love yourself, they’ll do it again. During that first 60 days after you take a person back give them all the room in the world to make the moves they want to make. No “give me your password” or “check in with me at all times ”. Let them be free and watch how they move.
A man or woman cheating is not a reflection of how unfulfilling you are, it’s a reflection of how undisciplined they are. For anyone who has felt broken by infidelity in the past, is struggling with it in the present, or is worried about being cheated on in the future, understand that the idea of “ too good to be cheated on ” is a myth. People will do what they want to do despite having a perfect partner because they’re battling issues that were never yours to fix.
It will happen, you will get hurt, but if you truly understand the things written above, you won’t become bitter, you’ll become stronger. What doesn’t break us, evolves us.
I know this post has been long. Thanks for being patient enough to read upto the end. I hope it’s helpful to anyone of you.
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