TRUTH : I SUCK AT ONE NIGHT STANDS.

Sheesha has a good feel to it not in a bad way though sadly in a good way). I mean you should get your hands on interesting stuff like strawberry or the minty flavored types. I have a friend who gives me the good stuff, (not that i smoke every time, just when necessity pushes me, which is like freaking never or when i really need to feel that high feel. you know you’ve had a long day so you just need that release)

After taking my last puff i texted him

“Where you at?” Normally it would take me more than strength to send such a text but i did and it read delivered.

“Home.” He replied

“WANNA FUCK?” Boldly i texted in pure upper case. Just for emphasis that am horny and i wouldn’t mind a one night thing.

Ten minutes passed and no reply, don’t take this the wrong way but am not so good with patience so i called him and i was short and to the point.

*no strings attached. Pure gorilla sex that’s basically it.*

Then i cut the call and for the first two minutes i felt like the sheesha hold on me was slowly dying down, so i stared at the sheesha pot hungrily and decided to take one final last one……………purely for the road. (it felt amazing , like sinking your teeth into a whole fried chicken.)

Bravely i went to his place. Totally so high and almost clueless. It was amazing sex on a scale of one to ten i will give it a nine. (calling a spade a spade)

But now that i think of it , it would have been much better to wake up the next day and be all, “Bro this was fun but you still know you are a brother to me. Like a spiritual brother.” In my head i would probably sound like a Buddhist trying to give out zen speeches and trying to bro zone a guy. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh worst thing ever.

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Except the truth is that id never fuck a brother. That’s yuck and disgusting on so many levels. So here i am setting up dates, coffee dates, cuddling dates, dinner dates, lunch dates. You know that lovey dovey shit, and i know its wrong but what the hell i want love and roses and everything sunshine. I want a repeat of whatever happened the night before in a strings, ropes attached kinder way. This rarely happens though and one night stands suck (scratch that) am a sucker at one night stands.

My best friend (a fellow psychopath) insists on emotional maturity . And am emotionally mature to know i wont have a one night stand and think that’s it. Chances are i will think am in a real life version of fifty shades of grey.

Last time i checked Anastasia and Grey didn’t leave it at just sex.

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