Real talk | by Ghostie

Gadamn it’s been a minute. Hello my dear retards.

 

Today I’m throwing so much shade I bet I’m going to get muscles 💪💪. Gentlemen, fuck boys, please take a seat to the left. Today your job is to be silent and nod or shake your head in agreement or disagreement in that order.

Ladies, have a seat in the center of the room. Grab yourselves a glass of wine (I recommend the scotch, it’s going to be a big one). Normal people, please leave the room because I stand for retarded people only and you’ll probably not relate. If you can last 10 minutes without being offended you can also have a seat and don’t ask me if it’s not too early to drink.

Okay here we go. Ladies, I am here to bring you the gospel by Ghostie. I want you to put your hand up if you’ve ever had an orgasm. (Belinda I mean by a man not by your hands) 😹.

When I was in my first year in university a friend to my roommate told me “Ghostie if a man isn’t paying you, and you’re not married to him, you don’t owe him anything. ” If you’re getting paid to work that cutchie honey bust it wide. If he’s your husband, communication is key. You let the nigga know he’s not scoring any points and you work on it. TOGETHER. After all it’s important to please each other.

Ladies I know most of you have that nigga in your life who thinks you offer Dial-a-Vagina services. The one who calls you “Hey where you at? Come watch a movie with me. ” We all know that in fact he doesn’t want to watch any movie but he hopefully wants to make one that features in adult content. Some xxx type of shit. Geez you know what I mean.

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So you go thinking it’s going to be different and maybe he stumbled on good porn that taught him a thing or two (curiosity really did kill the cat huh). So you arrive and you barely put your bag down when this guy pounces on you with some slobby ass kissing. You’re confused for a minute and want to grab your bag and run but you’re still praying to the sex gods to perform a miracle. Two minutes on this guy is pinching your nipples and just before it actually feels good your panty is off and this nigga is pounding you screaming his grandmama’s name.

So you’re there bored as hell. (Guys this is the part she starts to think about another man. Just in case you were wondering) The pounding is irritating, like nigga get done already. Sadly, these type of guys are the ones with stamina. You can trace your whole ancestry to Adam and Eve and the nigga is still hitting it.

Finally, (thank heavens) the pounding is over and you come back to reality and get off the ancestral tree. You smile at this piece of shit while silently cursing his whole being.

I know a lot of females who’ve been through this. Ladies there’s about three things you need to let a guy know before you go to his place. One is “I’m only coming if I’m Cumming”. Ladies and gentlemen we are in 2018. There’s no need to waste your time on useless shit like this. If your sex game is great and you know it but this nigga just isn’t hitting it right. Let the nigga know he needs to upgrade.

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You know those guys who tell you they’ll fuck you till you go to heaven and say hi to Michael but you barely reach the Ozone layer? Why are you still putting up with him? Is he giving you more than a sore pussy? No? Let him know..

Second thing is contraceptives. I’ve learnt that this one is really important. Don’t get there then you have to go dry (bc I know some people who don’t give a shit when they’re horny). This will help save a lot of babies who would’ve been aborted (you’re welcome, thank me later.)

You should also specify what you’re comfortable with and stick with it. If you prefer a Jimmy(condom or rubber) let the nigga know. Bring a pack if you can. Guys, would you rather pay for contraceptives or child support? (Just asking)

Lastly, time of departure. Ladies if that man is not your man, you need to know what time you’re leaving. Guys find it irritating when you’re sticking around and all they wanted was a quickie. Save your dignity. Soon as your done, and he hasn’t invited you for any other activity… My sister, forget that pizza craving you’re having, take a shower put on your clothes and leave. Saves you from awkward moments too. When the guy is making stupid excuses ati oh his grandmama’s aunt is coming to visit in a few.

Until we meet again goodbye ladies and gentlemen. 😊😊

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