PFFT! LOVING VAGINA DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SEX GURU!

PFFT! LOVING VAGINA DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SEX GURU!
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*If by accident everyone on earth dies and we were the only ones left to save the human race.

TRANSLATION: You and i are supposed to act all Adam and Eve and voila bring into existence the entire human race……………Sorry to say THE HUMAN RACE WOULD DIE! Mark my words poof! Cause you are the last person i would get hot and heavy with, last person i would rip off his clothes. Matter of fact keep your clothes on when am around you!……………no offense dude*

"RIZZOLI & ISLES" "I'm Your Boogie Man" / Ep 107 TNT Ph: Danny Feld

This was my answer to the last guy who was so sure he could make me orgasm. Something about his sex ego, about him being king when it comes to the subject of sex. Something about the fact i have never had an orgasm and he suddenly felt like he needed to open me up to a whole new world.

He wasn’t ugly, Yes he looked good but he was short and skinny major turn off. Honestly speaking i have a soft spot for tall and huge guys, just a by the way. So this one (the short one) meets me at a party, am all relaxed a little bit high but not so high and am talking to a bunch of friends. He swaggers over, first thought:

“Jesus Christ he’s short…………..he’s a freak………………. remember we don’t date short guys .” Duly noted. A reminder thing i do to myself when i meet weird guys.

The next thing he does is he grabs my hand and pulls me aside from my bunch of friends. aaaaaaaaaaaaaah what happened to automatic courtesy? Say hello ask me if i want to talk to you! That’s what the rest do. Angrily i crossed my arms over my body, my eyes bearing a bored expression. Of course he didn’t notice!

“Am Maina and i am smitten,” he says a slight smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Smitten by alcohol duh! It was written all over his face and his stench. I roll my eyes expressively, size his drunkard self up and down then boldly i answered.

“And am leaving.” Then i turned and left.

No i don’t have an ego am easy, am social, i talk to almost everyone and i listen. Maina just approached the entire situation in a: “Hey i think am sexy and I KNOW i can have you” kinder way. This sort of move never works.

Short guy, just like all normal guys isn’t one to take no for an answer, he comes over to my table when we are playing a game of truth or dare. It really got interesting when it got to my turn, i had chosen truth:

“Last time you had sex, how was it?”

In all honesty this was an easy question but short guy just blew everything out of proportion.

“Last month, bad sex.” I answered immediately.

“Bad sex huh? i bet he was strictly missionary,” Maina cut in. My suicidal instincts were tingling right now,

“I didn’t get to an orgasm that’s why! End of discussion.”

“I can make you orgasm trust me,” a bold statement coming from a guy i barely knew.

“Matter of fact my vast experience makes me know my game is good,” He adds in, clearly clueless of my growing anger.

“Meaning you are a man whore?” I replied sarcastically.

“Meaning am god.”

Everyone at my table was shocked, i mean i was shocked. Don’t tell me how you think you would definitely rock my world when it comes to sex. LOVING VAGINA DOES NOT MAKE YOU A SEX GURU!

Vast experience means man whore and not god.

I don’t think i would care what you think of yourself when it comes to bedroom matters . As far as am concerned you probably have a dick the size of a toothpick and you wouldn’t succeed in giving a cockroach an orgasm if your life depended on it! (Speaking to Maina types).

Empty_Glasses_Of_Vodka

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