I see her. She’s curled up on her bed with a book. She laughs. A real hearty laugh. There’s a joke in the book, she looks around for someone to share it with but there’s no one there. She sighs and gets back to her book. She got used to being alone. Once upon a time she had friends. They played outside. Did things little girls did. Did things little girls shouldn’t.. But we’ve all been there right?
Her mother though didn’t like her friends. There was always something wrong with them. So one day they went with one of her friend’s mother to visit a sick person one of their neighbors. They got back late. Mother said she should never step out to play again. She listened. She always listened to Mother.
I see her. She’s curled up on her bed. Looking at herself in the mirror. She was eavesdropping on Mother and her friends. Her words keep ringing in her head. “My child would have been beautiful, if it wasn’t for the things on her face. ” she starts to sob. Wondering when she’ll be good enough.
I see her. Curled up in her bed. She’s sobbing. The pain in her sobs move me till now. She’s been called fat, stupid, useless, more. She hates herself. Hates her. The woman who instead of molding her, completely destroyed her. She’s still quiet. She wants to talk, but she’s scared that she’s not good enough. So she keeps mum. She curls up on her bed and reads her book.
I see her. She’s putting her hand on the lid of the cooking pot as it steams. She loves the burn. It helps her to release the pain she keeps inside. She is numb. Only for the pain does she feel.
I see her. I look at her. She looks back at me and whispers “it hurts” as tears well up in her eyes. “Be strong baby, be strong. Just a little while longer. ” I’m lying. I don’t know when we will ever be free from the demons that haunt our past. I’ve been looking for help I swear. I’ve tried fighting them for us. I can’t do it… And you won’t stick around long enough to help.
I hold her hand as we cry together. Hurry up and find us… Before we get too lost to bring back.