Dear Next crush



So you think you like me and i also think i like you.

Yes i wanna spend time with you. Like we can totally hang i mean nothing Kempinski kinder fancy. Something simple, something like nyama choma (roasted meat) hangouts (Kikopey has the best nyama choma. I have an attachment to the free samples they offer to passing customers) Or KFC? Yeah. Deep fried chicken wings coated with chilli (at least you will get to understand why am extra skinny. Not that my dreams are modelling inclined which most people have a tendency of thinking. I just do a lot of chilli.)

I wont hold your hand, or smile at you weirdly and expect you to pull my chair, (if i wanted an episode of kinky shit i would have watched Citizen’s “Simply Maria). Just so we are clear i also don’t do star gazing or wish on shooting stars…………i fancy my sleep plus there are much more better things we can do. Like sit on the sofa (CUDDLING? don’t you even fucking think of it, i don’t cuddle……CUDDLES ARE FOR PUSSIES) Lets catch up on Real House Helps Of Kawangware or watch Shiro (am an auntie boss fanatic)

Don’t expect me to CALL SLASH TEXT after our first date (Probably Kikopey) you will definitely think i was in it for the free food, but then again i have never been one to turn down a free meal so you wont be entirely off base. The real reason though will be i don’t want to seem too needy or too desperate and weird out everything then push you away.

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My scars are mine to keep so this time round i will hide the fact that am depressed. I wont let you see my scars just in case you feel like the walking version of Thor and think: “Damsel in Distress.” Fuck this shit. yes I’ve been told a bunch of times that am a psychopath.

Yes am in love with dark colors, yes i can wake up in the middle of the night and think of how to kill you and a thousand ways of how to get away with your murder. Do you want us to have sex all night long then ghost each other in the morning? Am totally game. More of a tap and go relationship? Is that what you want? Three days later we meet each other and………………….

“Hey………….” You would stutter, a slight blush on your face.

“Hey me” i would answer a plastic smile all over my face completely oblivious to the fact that i have been avoiding you.

“You want me to come over to……”

“Tomorrow is Rhumba night, its a thing i usually have on Wednesdays.” I interrupt immediately. WHAT KIND OF TEENAGER LISTENS TO RHUMBA! You will wonder.

“And Thur…..”

“Oh Thursdays i have lectures am fully packed……… no cant do”

I know best catch all excuse. So yes i will play the ignore you game. You need to understand that am not this kind of woman

I don’t want the sparky part of us to end where you wonder if i miss you. If i want to text or call every single time. Yes i want your hands all over me, i want to look at you smile and watch your face curl up like some wild flower. Us dreaming of each other, long conversations. Heaven knows i want all this, i want sparks.

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Jesus Christ………..maybe i am into kinky shit. I don’t know.

I just need you to understand i wont trust easy so dear next crush i will need you to love me a little louder


P.S: Kempinski isn’t so bad now that i have done some thinking (just saying)

P.P.S: Rhumba is amazing (so i wont mind Rhumba dates)

P.P.P.S: Maybe cuddles aren’t for pussies. We can always listen to Michael Bolton while we cuddle

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